


Incinerating Super Smash Bros: Mission from God

by TheMidnightCrew



Series: The Studio [3]
Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Humor, MST3k-Style Riffing, Satire, Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh From God - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23816980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMidnightCrew/pseuds/TheMidnightCrew
Summary: M.C. and Spades are back to tackle the saga of Sara and her adventures in the world of Super Smash Bros as she has her religious delusions of grandeur. Full of satire and commedy.
Series: The Studio [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713187





	1. The Introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder, this is a reuploaded story from our Fanfiction.net account. We just cleaned it up some, since it was pretty old, added some things, took some things out. So it's not an exact copy, might be funnier, might be dumber, who knows.

Relaxed on the soft couch, legs crossed at the knees, a margarita between his fingers, was none other than M.C. Founder of _The Midnight Crew_ , the first host, the short, angry one of the group. He nods to the camera, takes a sip from his margarita, slow, methodical, tilting his head back until the glass was empty.

Then, he threw the glass off stage, letting it shatter into a splendid shower of shards.

“Alright, let’s get this mess started,” M.C. says, finally speaking as he opens the hidden door on the coffee table to bring out a bucket full of ice and bottles of beer. “Feel free to drink along my friends, you’re going to need all the alcohol you can take to go through this shitstorm.”

He shifts in his seat, nodding to one of the cameras.

“So, the story you will be delving into, the story _we_ will be delving into, is just an absolute nightmare and so rage inducing that it will make your head hurt,” he says with gritted teeth, the visible trauma of what he had read still present after all these years. “ _Super Smash Bros: Mission from God_. Or, as our wonderful authoress titled it; _Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh From God_. A notorious trollfic for the _Super Smash Bros_ fandom.

“And a known, intentional trollfic. PrincessAmerica did admit that this and it’s following sequels are trollfics. I will admit, because I do respect PrincessAmerica for being able to write this dumpster fire of a saga, that for a trollfic it does remarkably well at being the _My Immortal_ of the gaming community,” he chugs some of his beer, grimaces and wipes his chin. “Hell, _Mission from God_ is probably even better than My Immortal in terms of offensiveness and absurdity.”

He pulls out a notecard, skims through the contents. “So, the story has thirty-five chapters, four sequels. PrincessAmerica has also written an _Attack on Titan_ story, too. This story focuses on religion, or rather, using Christianity to justify terrible behaviors. It’s chock full of homophobia, racism, anti-left, radical republicans, you name it,” he grinned, chaking his head, “Basically if you’re a democrat you’re a Satanist, that’s how this story goes.”

With a huff, M.C. kicks his feet up onto the coffee table. “It was a fun ride. Oh, right,” he drinks from his bottle of beer again. “For those of you who don’t know. I’m from the future. Well, present. This is a story and commentary we did back in 2014. I’m just slowly reuploading everything from our account on Fanfiction over here. I did some housecleaning on our commentary. Editing things, making things look nicer, just upping the quality bit by bit. Anyways!”

Standing up and clapping his hands together, M.C. smiles, though it is obviously fake. “We know that PrincessAmerica purposely made this bad and offensive. Of course, at the time that we did this review, we didn’t know all of that. Hindsight, you know? Anyways, we respect PrincessAmerica, Sara, the character and author stand-in? She’s horrible.”

“Anyways! Enough said about that! Let’s get started into this garbage fic claiming to be a Godly mission.”


	2. God Murders Some Kids

The room was dark, all the seats were empty. Popcorn was littered across the floor from past sessions, not yet cleaned up. In the front row were two seats. VIP stapled onto the cushions, not that it would be needed with how few people came in and out of the building.

The doors opened.

Teenaged and grouchy, M.C. stalked in, the bags under his eyes giving away the obvious and chronic suffering of sleep deprivation. He should probably stop playing video games to medicate his insomnia. They don’t help. At all.

Behind him, his polar opposite in everything there was, Spades walked in, covered tightly by her _Attack on Titan_ cloak, hair tied back into it’s usual ponytail, glasses, the whole ensemble.

The two looked around at the empty theater, then at the screen.

For M.C. all it took was one look before yelling, “Oh, _fuck this_!” and making his way to leave, storming down between the rows of seats to the main entrance. Only, when he shoved the doors, he found them locked.

“Oh, for the love of God! We’re doing this _again_?” M.C. demanded with fury as he made his way back. “I thought we were going to be done with this when Fanfiction.net deleted _Burning My Immortal to the Ground_ , twice!”

Spades just smiled, ruffling his hair. “Come on, M.C.! This will be fun!”

“Maybe for you…” he grumbled, taking his seat at the front row while she took the one beside him. M.C. looked right at the camera, glaring at whoever might have been watching from the other side. “I don’t know why you guys get a sick kick out of watching this. But, whatever. Let’s start.”

He straightened his posture, cleared his throat, and pointed a thumb at himself. “I’m M.C., your host, and my co-host-slash-friend-slash-stalker over here is Spades.”

She smiled and waved.

“We’re back from God only knows where to bring you another satire-and-rage filled commentary of another horrible story,” with that, he picked up some cards and skimmed through them, his expression shifting from anger and discomfort. “Apparently this story is someone’s attempt at making the new _My Immortal_. I hope, at least.”

“Can anything really top Tara’s masterpiece, though?” Spades asked.

“Don’t know. Don’t care.” He paused, and then shrugged. “But, yeah. We’re reading another shitty story. Great, right?”

Spades stood up, grinning as she snatched the cards from his hands. “Well, guys. The point of his grumbling is that we will be reading and reviewing _Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh from God_ , by PrincessAmerica,” she paused, looked back to the card and scrunched up her brows. Then, she bent over to whisper to M.C. “Hey, did ROM misspell the story’s title… or is that it’s actual name?”

M.C. just glared at her. “What the Hell do you think?”

“…Oh boy. We’re in for a ride.”

* * *

**Hi my name is Sara (not Palin unfortanetly)**

M.C.: Is she the politician or the writer?

Spades: I think she’s both? She wrote some books and was Alaska’s governor.

**and im a 13 yearold girl who loves America and God and the Constantution**

Spades: Girl! You’re thirteen! You should be writing better than this!

**so i librul soshalist**

M.C.: “So I librul soshalist”?

M.C.: What?

**who likes barrack obama than LEAVE NAO and go back too getting wefare**

Spades: M.C., aren’t you a Liberal?

M.C.: My parents are. Personally? I’m a “I don’t give a fuck, leave me alone”.

M.C.: But I know enough to know that being on Welfare has nothing to do with what political party or beliefs you hold.

**for noting and trying to turn every1 into gay athists**

M.C.: Wow I hate her already.

Spades: Agreed.

**also I lik video games like supper smash bras**

Spades: Does it give boobs the power to smash shit like the Hulk?

Spades: If so, then I want a copy of _Supper Smash Bars_!

**and otters**

M.C.: … _Well_ … otters are pretty cool.

**even thou im a gril (my mom sad id turn a les if I play video game**

Spades: Well, your mom was wrong about that.

Spades: I’m a girl. I am a big gamer. And I’m about as straight as the pole shoved up M.C.’s ass.

M.C.: HEY!

**but I put pics of jaykob from twilit and juston beber in my room so idont).**

M.C.: Jacob? Really?

M.C.: Come on, kid. Didn’t you know Twilight was really about the budding romance between Edward and Jacob?

M.C.: Bella was just their shared beard.

**CHAP 1: MISSON FORM GOD**

Spades: Sorry, but if God actually gave her a divine mission, then screw this.

Spades: I’m switching religion.

M.C.: To what?

Spades: Vikings! Norse! Paganism!

M.C.: …

M.C.: You’re just saying that cause you think Loki is hot.

Spades: The God of Mischief is an adorable pile of trash.

**I was in my seance class one dat when my librul teacher mr jonson was talkin about evilusion.**

M.C.: A common topic in schools because evolution is a proven concept of science and biology.

M.C.: So Mr. Johnson was just doing his job.

**"an tat is why humins came form monkees and their is no god" he said.**

Spades: Okay, everyone. Buckle in. Lesson time.

M.C.: Oh boy.

Spades: If a teacher actually does something like this then he is going against the Constitution. But at the same time, if a teacher forces any kind of religious practice or belief onto a student, that is also against the law.

Spades: Separation of State and Church.

Spades: Students and faculty are allowed to pray, discuss religion, read their religious texts during free time at school so long as it does not interfere with school activities or force other to participate.

Spades: Schools must respect the religious beliefs of everyone present. Christianity, Judasism, Islam, Hinduism, etcetera, etcetera.

Spades: Public schools, and emphasis on _public_ schools, as religious-centric schools such as Catholic schools are a different story, can not allow religious beliefs be used to set public policies. As such schools can not endorse one religion over the other, such as student-led prayers at games.

Spades: Schools are generally entitled to a _secular_ education. And as such, classes such as science classes, like the one Sara is in, are expected to uphold an _evidence-based_ curriculum. Meaning that Evolution is _obviously_ going to be a part of the curriculum because it had so much evidence behind it.

M.C: Can we get back to the story?

M.C.: _Please?_

**I razed my han.d**

M.C.: RIP to her hand.

**"yes Sara" he said.**

**"if humin came from monkees why r their still monks"**

M.C.: Because monks are people.

M.C.: You of all people should know why there are still monks, considering they’re religious practitioners.

**my teacher had no anser for that so he give me a ditention and an f on my test.**

Spades: Except there is a an answer, and a lot of ways to answer it. Sara just doesn’t want to admit evolution was real.

M.C.: Evolution doesn’t kill off the previous species.

M.C.: It’s why we’ve so many different sub-species of animals. They evolved differently.

**"hahaha!" he sad "you Christens wil be defeet on day!**

Spades: No teacher in their right mind would actually say that.

**athests alreedy rule dis cuntry becuz of obama car and son all Christens will goto deaf panells!"**

M.C.: You know what?

M.C.: Has America ever had an atheist president?

Spades: What’s a Deaf Panel?

**just then the door toteh science room opened and God walked in. he was waring a rob and had a bread like he allways does.**

M.C.: Mighty arrogant of you to presume you know what God looks like.

M.C.: He could have been cleanshaven, He could be wearing a suit.

M.C.: Isn’t it kind of… I don’t know… blasphemous to assume you know what He would say?

**"mr jonson ur gong too HELL!"**

Spades: Pretty sure the dude who’s all about love and forgiveness wouldn’t come down and damn someone to Hell just like that.

Spades: Then again, there was the whole debacle with Job, whose entire life was ruined and family killed because God made a bet with the Devil.

**"no cuz u arnt reel" mr jonson said.**

M.C.: Great argument.

Spades: I got to agree with Mr. Johnson here. Not about God being real or not, but because why would you believe some strange guy wearing a robe is God?

**"lol ur a moran" God said and he stroked mr jonson with lighting and mr jonson ded.**

M.C.: Ah, yes. Such a sensual form of affection. Yes, keep stroking him with that lightning bolt, let it caress gently over his cheek as you remind him how much Mr. Johnson is loved.

**"yay!" said all the Christens in the class.**

**"boo!" said the Heatrans so God stroked all them to.**

Spades: Okay, okay!

Spades: Stop the projectors! Stop the filming! Just let’s take a pause right here!

The screen stops it’s snails paced crawl of text as Spades stood up, fingers curling with the need to strangle someone but having no one to do so to. She glared at the screen, at the cameras, at M.C. even as she took in a slow, deep breath.

“Clearly, _clearly_ someone is using religion to justify their hate. But, we already knew that,” Spades snapped, the veins in her neck becoming prominent as she clenched her jaws. “I hate it when people use religion to justify being a dick. But whatever. Can’t stop people from doing that. Now, look; I’m not particularly religious—M.C. can attest to that. What I do know is that God wouldn’t just murder an entire classroom of _children_ because they didn’t fall to their knees at his feet.”

Spades raised up a finger, “And yes, they are children. Sara said she’s thirteen. This is a classroom of middle school kids, who Sara believes that God would happily slaughter.” She crossed her arms over her chest, baring her teeth. “If that’s not fucked up, I don’t know what is. God is supposed to be about love, forgiveness. Love thy neighbor. You know how it is. But no, here we are, not even done with the first chapter, and she’s inserting God into her story and mischaracterizing Him even.”

Patting her arm, M.C. tried to get her to take a seat again. “Look, a lot of actual Christians might get offended. We can’t do anything about it. Besides, God does have quite the habit of mass slaughter,” he offered. “The Flood. And you said yourself, Job. Old Testament God was merciless.”

“Yeah! But I doubt he’d walk into a science classroom and murder a teacher and students!” Spades argued, throwing an arm towards the screen. “You can still have science and religion, the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Why do these diehard bible thumpers have such a hard time accepting that? Evolution is a proven thing, that doesn’t disprove God. The existence of God doesn’t disprove science!”

“There, there,” M.C said, finally pulling her back down into her seat, patting her on the head. “Deep breaths. Save the rage for later, young Padawan, you will need it.”

With that, the monkeys keeping everything up and running started the screen back up.

**"ok now I nead too talk too Sara God said. "so everbuddy else leave."**

Spades: She’s really going out of her way to make God out to be a jerk.

**"ok" my classmates left the room.**

M.C.: Are we technically allowed to go home for the day if God murders our teacher and classmates?

Spades: Damn, I’d hope so.

**"Sara Osborne ive bean watching u for sum time," he sad, "this world isnt the only on I mad."**

Spades: Yes. He made another world where Kangaroos were the superior species.

M.C.: What?

Spades: What? Wow. Haven’t you seen _God, The Devil, and Bob_?

M.C.: No?

Spades: You’re missing out, dude!

**"for real" I ask.**

**"yea do u no about video games."**

M.C.: I’m pretty sure everyone at this point in time knows what a video game is.

**“yea I play them with my bro and Lauren”**

**(my bro is my brother and Lauren is my BFF forever and shes a PCC (Pretty Consertative Christen) like me to)**

Spades: You don’t need to specify about ‘bro’. Everyone knows what you meant.

M.C.: Fun, more self inserts and friend inserts. And what the actual fuck? PCC?

M.C.: Is that a real thing?

Spades: Can’t find anything about them on Google, so I assume no.

**"well they are real because when u play the nother unevirse I made"**

Spades: So, Tamriel is real? The Nine Divines are real? The Daedric Princes are _real_?

M.C.: Word of God says they are.

Spades: Screw Loki! Sheogorath! Master of Madness!

**"cool God" I hi fived God.**

M.C.: For a highly conservative Christian, you’re pretty buddy-buddy to God.

M.C.: Shouldn’t you be worshipping him?

**"ok but theres treble. Satan found out about this and now hes in Nentendo World.**

M.C: Pretty sure that’s not a big deal. It’s Nintendo. The combined protags in that world will be enough to kick his ass.

**Only u can stop him b4 he dose evil stuff their."**

M.C.: Okay, _The Chosen One_ trope _?_

Spades: Check.

**"oh no."**

**"right this is the hardest thing u ever done even harder than ur math test last month.**

M.C.: Did he really just say that? What the fuck?

Spades: Look, kid. Wait until you get to high school. _Everything_ will be harder than that math test.

Spades: But I sure as Hell would hope fighting Satan is harder then that test!

**God thing i'm God and I can give u cool powers and stuff."**

Spades: DON’T!

M.C: For the love of you! Don’t give her powers!

**So God gave me some power and I fell to sleep.**

M.C.: Well, we’re screwed now.

Spades: God, when did you become dumb? Why are you giving her powers?

**When I woke up I was outside of the Smosh Manshon!**

M.C.: Fuck.

M.C.: Everything.

M.C.: About.

M.C.: This.

* * *

The lights turn on, the screens turned off. Spades and M.C. both got up from their seats, stretching and letting their joints pop as they got up. It hadn’t been the _worst_ session they had been part of, but it certainly hadn’t been the best. Perhaps it was involvement of religion that was shoehorned in that made it so much more painful and aggravating. Perhaps it was the absolute stupidity of the story.

Not that there had ever been a trollfic that wasn’t outlandishly stupid. If there was, they hadn’t read it yet. Though, not being stupid would defeat the purpose of it being a trollfic, now wouldn’t it?

They had time now, though, before their next review session, to think of what they had just read and prepare themselves for what awaited them these next thirty-some chapters. To review their jokes, to improve their jokes. To learn from this and come out of it a better person. Or an angrier person with even less hope for humanity since stories and people like this exist.

In a year or two’s time, the two might even look back on this story, on this chapter, and think about the irony of it all. Games turning girls away from the straight and narrow path of heterosexuality. Well, perhaps that pole M.C. kept rammed up his ass wasn’t as straight as Spades had suspected at the time they did this review.

But that was a future issue for future Spades and M.C. For now, their greatest concern was getting some pizza and relaxing.


End file.
